Get help here on how to cope on losing with divorce In her book, "Crazy Time," Abigail Trafford observes, "It takes two to get married, but you get divorced by
yourself...It's an individual experience. No one else can do it for you. In the end, how it works out is up to you. You write your own script."
Divorce is a very painful phase in your life. But you must understand, it is just a phase, a stage that will pass, which you will grow out of. It is good to be prepared to face the crisis. Instead of letting yourself to scatter, consider the following suggestions and see how you can alleviate pain for yourself and your children if any.
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DO consult with a lawyer. It is a good idea to seek professional help, especially if you have children or assets. "To try to navigate without a lawyer would be like trying to do your own open heart surgery," says John Finnerty, a matrimonial lawyer of Finnerty & LaRocca in Paramus, N.J.
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DO make copies of relevant documents. Photocopy every important, relevant document from the last three years of your marriage. This includes tax returns, mortgage payments, bank statements, pay stubs, stock certificates and bonds – to supply your lawyer or mediator.
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Avoid credit problems. Cancel joint credit cards if you have any. Do not leave anything to chance. Start operating independently with your finances too.
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DO make sure you're covered. Medical insurance coverage can end in divorce. Check with your insurance company if you can continue under the same scheme after divorce even if you are on your spouse’s insurance plan. Make sure you get a clearance or relevant advice from the insurance company.
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Make an inventory of your assets, house, valuables etc. You can decide how it can be divided. Make sure you have witnesses while you negotiate the division of assets.
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Have a talk with your auditor. Your tax plans may change once you split with your spouse.
DONT'S
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Don't penny pinch when it comes to legal help.
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Don't hastily move out of your home. Unless you fear physical harm, talk to your lawyer before you make your move.
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Don't share a lawyer with your spouse. It just won’t work to your
favour.
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Don't make revenge the goal of the divorce. "It's really like a business transaction ... if you use the process to vent anger and try to get revenge, then you wind up impoverishing yourself and making your lawyer rich," Finnerty says.
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No two divorces are alike; so don't compare your divorce to another divorce. Each case has its own set of facts, with its own personality.
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Never bad-mouth your spouse to your children. It may backfire on you in ways you don't expect.
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A divorce is a painful stage in life, which will affect you at multifarious levels- legal, financial and emotional. Incorporating these do’s and don’ts can make this painful phase less complicated and less messy for you.
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